a sophisticated intellectual
Jan. 27th, 2026 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bookishghosti think i am afraid to be silly. i think i am afraid to come across as anything less than solemn and serious and wistful and deep. i feel like a teenage boy who carries a copy of a Proust book with them at all times so they can appear as a sophisticated intellectual who doesn’t have time for such silly games as “Clash Royale” or “League of Legends.”
i am that, a little bit. i read and i think i’m educated and i want people to think i’m smart. but i also want to watch every comedy show on :Dropout and play Stardew Valley and make the stupidest puns you’ve ever heard once in a blue moon. i want to be soft and giggly and make really shitty collages and twirl around in circles when i’m in public just cuz i feel like it.
i think perhaps who i want to be and who i really am are constantly at odds with each other, and i can’t figure out if what i want is what i’m supposed to want. is this what’s best for me? or is it just what’s safe and easy for me? i don’t know if i’ll ever find out. but i hope that i do. god, i hope that i do.
i am that, a little bit. i read and i think i’m educated and i want people to think i’m smart. but i also want to watch every comedy show on :Dropout and play Stardew Valley and make the stupidest puns you’ve ever heard once in a blue moon. i want to be soft and giggly and make really shitty collages and twirl around in circles when i’m in public just cuz i feel like it.
i think perhaps who i want to be and who i really am are constantly at odds with each other, and i can’t figure out if what i want is what i’m supposed to want. is this what’s best for me? or is it just what’s safe and easy for me? i don’t know if i’ll ever find out. but i hope that i do. god, i hope that i do.
