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bookishghostthinking about my kids and how mean they are to each other. i don't really understand it. they seem to lack empathy. or they just have no filter and have not been taught to apply one.
thinking about my desperation for some empathy directed at myself. i have buckets and buckets of empathy to shower upon others. i do it daily. i make people feel better about themselves. but nobody seems to empathize with me? sure, they'll celebrate my wins once in a while. "someone said you're their favorite teacher? that's awesome!" but i cannot be sad without being a nuisance. i cannot be angry unless they already harbored the same anger. i feel like an echo chamber. i cannot live amongst others, and Feel on the same level they do; others live within me, and i must take on their Feelings. i can't have any of my own. i am just a vessel. if i dare to express any negative feelings, i'm usually hit with disgust or apathy or something very fake and well-intentioned and sickly sweet and awful. or maybe just really terrible advice. thanks for trying but no thanks.
hm.
that kinda hurts.
i'm a good person. i deserve better.
thinking about my desperation for some empathy directed at myself. i have buckets and buckets of empathy to shower upon others. i do it daily. i make people feel better about themselves. but nobody seems to empathize with me? sure, they'll celebrate my wins once in a while. "someone said you're their favorite teacher? that's awesome!" but i cannot be sad without being a nuisance. i cannot be angry unless they already harbored the same anger. i feel like an echo chamber. i cannot live amongst others, and Feel on the same level they do; others live within me, and i must take on their Feelings. i can't have any of my own. i am just a vessel. if i dare to express any negative feelings, i'm usually hit with disgust or apathy or something very fake and well-intentioned and sickly sweet and awful. or maybe just really terrible advice. thanks for trying but no thanks.
hm.
that kinda hurts.
i'm a good person. i deserve better.
